Social Interaction, or, People Must Think I'm a Psychopath Options

[Camoudile]

So, I was talking with some friends the other day, and they were trying to drag me out to yet another "let's do something together that really doesn't involve much interpersonal interaction but will, inevitably, last beyond my bedtime" event. I've acquiesced to this puzzling ritual before, mostly because I know that I can't knock it 'til I've tried it.

Well, I've tried it. This whole "being social" thing, whatever the heek that means. And I've decided that I prefer being by myself most of the time. If I take a personality test, my preference toward introversion is so heavy that it nearly tips over the results.

The people I know, meanwhile, seem to find it, quote, unhealthy that I'm perfectly happy to be by myself -- they speak conspiratorially of getting me out of my box. Maybe they are exaggerating a little, but I've noticed this attitude before: the (modern Western) idea that everyone needs to have "a social life" (ENTHASL). I know that people need to be around other people occasionally to be healthy, but I don't think that really requires scheduled social events to happen, nor does it imply that one must constantly be around people. In fact, I think scheduled events can interfere with a person's health when they cut into creativity-developing downtime (hence why geniuses tend to be introverts) or impose a rigid structure around human interaction.

The only problem is that ENTHASL seems permanently ingrained into the Western psyche, almost a sacred cow of our culture. If I challenge it, even say that I'm happy alone, people think I'm wrong before they can even think of reasons why I'm wrong. I choose to be alone! It's not like I'm rejected from a social circle or planning to destroy the world, it's just that I enjoy quiet time to think or look at dandelions or hum to myself. If this were a storybook, I would probably have secret magical powers, but in the real world people think I need to get out more.

So: give me proof, people. How do I back up the assertion that ENTHASL is NOT a universal rule?

[olddude]

I recall a thread, not long ago, that brought out the fact that many of the members of this board are introverted, myself included. I much prefer to stay at home working on some computer or mechanical project than, say, go to a party and socialize.

I feel terribly awkward standing around with a drink in my hand with nothing to do. I'd rather be repairing the host's dishwasher than trying to make small talk.

I know where you're coming from and it's clear to me that some people aren't wired for social situations. It doesn't mean there's something wrong with them, at least, I don't think it does. I have less than a semester in psychology (had to drop the course due to an accident and never looked back).

Your proof is all of the computer geeks and gamers who aren't chronically depressed and actually enjoy their lives.

As for the the mental health aspect of being sociable, I actually had a good time at a group bicycle ride earlier this month. I was socializing and doing something I enjoy (usually by myself) at the same time. You have to find a balance. It doesn't necessarily mean you have to compromise.

[I'mNotCheati...]

I guess I'm a little more extroverted than a lot of people here, though I am quite introverted myself - my mother's quite fond of telling me she's "worried about me" because I spend 90% of my free time here at the computer. I do, however, have a few close friends that I love spending time with, whether it's a night out into town for a few drinks together, or going down to the pub for breakfast or lunch together, or just hanging out and watching TV. I do occasionally go out to larger social occasions - for example, a friend of mine has just returned home after a year in France and Germany, and while we were never the closest of friends, it's still nice to see him, and a lot of other people whom I know even less well will be going to the pub too. I'll make a little small talk with them but chances are I'll sit with the people I know best and talk with them the most. Another example would be last week when we went out clubbing for a friend's birthday. It was her birthday and she was calling the shots, and I'm more than happy to go along and be a supportive friend and help her celebrate, but most of the time I'd prefer being at home alone to being in a club or at a party with anyone other than my closest friends.

One exception to the rule is the capoeira roda. The more people there, the better - more energia, axé, a great time is had by all. And on a Friday after the class and roda, we head over to the pub for a couple of relaxing drinks and a chit-chat. I still feel a little awkward with the chit-chat part, and prefer to stay quiet and just listen to other people, but it takes me a long time to make friends so maybe I'll get better at that the more I get to know people there (it's been almost 3 years already!).

[Paul_V]

Recently I came across a really good article about this subject: 5 Things Every Extrovert Should Know About Introverts
I really like time by myself as well. It's not that I don't like being around other people, it's just that my interests usually don't coincide with theirs.

[Mystress]

I am a weird mix of introvert and extrovert - sometimes I'm like "OMG I *need* to get out of the house and go hang out with people" but most of the time I'm like "Nah, I'm good." It gets really bizzare sometimes when I want to go do something cool but at the same time I'm like "Eh, I think I want to stay home today." I love to dance and go places with lots of people sometimes, like I'll go to the mall with a friend or something or go to an amusement park, but the sensory overload and noise just gets to be too much and I'm drained by the time I get home. Yes, even at the mall. XD

I know another really introverted guy, one of our drum majors this year for Marching Band. He's so quiet and soft-spoken he rarely speaks, to the point that he almost never did as a freshman and people considered him creepy because of it!

You're just very introverted, cam. You should try to get out of the house sometimes, yes - at least go somewhere by yourself for exercise (always important) if nothing else. Unfortunately, the majority of people are extroverts, so there's times you just have to deal with it. Everyone in my family is very introverted except for my little sister, and it's just something we all need to deal with.

[ZapperJet]

I have the same problem. I also took part in a personality test per another classmate's request (she was using it for a project). Yes, I tipped the scales, I'm an incredible introvert. Frankly, it's because living where I am there aren't any others that really understand... anything. I don't like being around people who act like apes. You'll find me reading a book where others are flapping their jaws about nothing in particular. I like to 3D model whereas others play football (I'm incredibly non-sport, sorry). Maybe it is in fact a part of being in the 10th grade and having a higher GPA than just about anyone else I can name in my class. As soon as I show the slightest inkling of knowledge I'm considered a freak and patronized by my peers like I don't know anything at all.

But fear not Camoudile, if you play your cards right all those people will be working for you and depending on you for a salary!

Cheers,
John

[padfoot7726]

I have the same problem. I also took part in a personality test per another classmate's request (she was using it for a project). Yes, I tipped the scales, I'm an incredible introvert. Frankly, it's because living where I am there aren't any others that really understand... anything. I don't like being around people who act like apes. You'll find me reading a book where others are flapping their jaws about nothing in particular. I like to 3D model whereas others play football (I'm incredibly non-sport, sorry). Maybe it is in fact a part of being in the 10th grade and having a higher GPA than just about anyone else I can name in my class. As soon as I show the slightest inkling of knowledge I'm considered a freak and patronized by my peers like I don't know anything at all.

But fear not Camoudile, if you play your cards right all those people will be working for you and depending on you for a salary!

Cheers,
John

Wow. Every single word in your post applies to myself. Even '10th grade' and 'I like to 3D model'. Maybe not 'John', but that's just about the only place where it differs.
Chalk another up for introversion.

[Johannes]

I have a slightly different problem. I am a bit agoraphobic and I don't like to be in places that are full of people. I can, but I dislike it, and I tend to look everywhere like a paranoid idiot in this kind of situation. It fix limits to social interaction.

[Camoudile]

Recently I came across a really good article about this subject: 5 Things Every Extrovert Should Know About Introverts
I really like time by myself as well. It's not that I don't like being around other people, it's just that my interests usually don't coincide with theirs.

Whoa, it's so creepy when one article describes things and they just click. Thanks for that one. (and if you haven't gotten one yet, here's a welcoming tomato: )

Frankly, it's because living where I am there aren't any others that really understand... anything. I don't like being around people who act like apes. You'll find me reading a book where others are flapping their jaws about nothing in particular. I like to 3D model whereas others play football (I'm incredibly non-sport, sorry). Maybe it is in fact a part of being in the 10th grade and having a higher GPA than just about anyone else I can name in my class. As soon as I show the slightest inkling of knowledge I'm considered a freak and patronized by my peers like I don't know anything at all.

I'm happy to be with the group of people that I'm with, but there are some times when ^that^ has described my world. I'm sure people mean well, but sometimes I just don't like them. I might love their heart or their empathy, but I can still get annoyed when people do and think the inefficient, illogical things that they do. If I minimize my contact with people, then all I see is their caring side, their helpful side, their good side. I don't have time to scoop into the meat and find out that they are more in tune with the outside world than with their own thoughts -- which is okay for them (probably makes them less absentminded/clumsy), but it means that if I try to have what my introvertedness defines as a worthwhile conversation with them, there's nothing there. So it's less that I don't like them and more that I just have nothing to talk about with them, and I get exhausted when I try to manufacture things that would interest them (small talk).

And I'm incredibly non-sport too, though I'm trying to find ways to get that exercise through less pointless avenues (I mean, football is basically line up, run around throwing a ball, then line up again? WHAT? It's like the small talk of the exercise world).


I think more people would be at least weak introverts if there wasn't so much pressure to be extroverted. And I think the problem is less the peer pressure, but the fact that parents tend to try to get their children to make friends and "socialize," telling them it's good for them. Well, no one ever told me why it's "good for me," except for networking. And really, introverts might make better networkers because their few contacts are all meaningful ones, rather than hi-there-hey-there pass-by-on-the-street acquaintances.

Also, I do think we introverts have a much higher proportion of geniuses.

[Lostthyme]

You can add another socially awkward introvert to your list.

But I'm more comfortable with my introvert-ness than I used to be. I have a feeling that if I hadn't been extremely humbled and ignored as a child, I would be one of those arrogant jerk types.

And it helps with it that I have a few pretty close friends now. It was really hard when I was younger and was really alone, all of the time. But since my friends are all crazy, the silence is really nice now.

I still have the tendency to blend into the wallpaper in social gatherings though. That's when I whip out my camera and claim to be the "official yearbook photographer".

[ZangieF]

I'm an introvert too, about 80 or 90% I think. I remember that thread where we took a test and all got one of those four-letter types (I forget the proper name, uberlutra knows it). Isn't it amusing that we all love to speak online, but we don't like talking idly at parties and such? I recently skipped attending a wedding anniversary in my family so I could go to my regular twice-weekly fencing group, something that not a whole lot of us except myself and my sister (who is also an introvert, and who fences with me) would do. There are people who tell me to 'get out' more; we've all had that at some point, and we've all learned not to pay attention to those people.

[Allatwan]

Well, I'm a pretty extraverted person, exuberant and all (in the Southern way ), but only with people I trust. And because I've met way too many hypocritical people in the past two years, I'm now really shy with people when I meet them the first time, and tend to be really suspicious around teens (the most hypocritical ppl I've ever met were all teens, not really adults or younger kids: those that judge you on your looks only, like how you dress, what's your hair like, etc, and make horrible comments like "OMG, this girl's so hopelessly messed she'd have to go through surgery to look good"), thinking they're kind of talking about me behind my back (that's normal, though: almost everyone here talks behind my back where I live! ), which makes it hard for me to trust ppl. And apparently, ppl can see I distrust them "in my eyes", 'coz I've had people mention how my eyes look "weird" and make it look like I'm trying to read into their minds, which I'm not trying to do well, not intentionally. So yeah, I'm so much of an introvert, but I don't trust people and am sometimes too straightfoward (I say exactly what I think, as long as it's politically correct) and blunt about it. But there are times when I feel nostalgic or a little thoughtfull, in which case I'll wander off on my own, sometimes for hours, just hicking through fields or woods (my mom HATES it when I do that, she's always scared something will happen to me in such complete wilderness ), but mostly along the beach or cliffs when we go to Brittany. Just watching the waves, feeling the wind, and not talking to anyone can be really soothing and help you "make things right" in your head. But my family doesn't understand that and my cousins are really hurt when I do that and keep on complaining that I'm "asocial" and am always sulking around them and running away from them, which isn't true. It's good to know I'm not the only one here!

[Gehn, lord of ag...]

I still have the tendency to blend into the wallpaper in social gatherings though. That's when I whip out my camera and claim to be the "official yearbook photographer".

Cameras are wonderful excuses to act totally introverted.

Yeah, I'm somewhat introverted (and shy and quiet on top of that - whee!).

I wonder if introversion is more worried about (then extroversion) because extroverted people who act like introverts might have serious issues. Introverted people acting like extroverts... they might be a little rash or shallow, but people don't expect them to go crazy or something. Of course, it could just be the other way around - we see more problems with extroverted people being introverted because we worry about it more.

[I'mNotCheati...]

Does anybody else fancy trying to start a "You should stay in more" campaign?

A useful tool I've found for making myself more chatty and less nervous around people is a huge amount of alcohol. Unfortunately this has many undesirable side effects. (Please, please don't take this as an endorsement for binge drinking, especially if you're under the age limit).

[ZangieF]

Does anybody else fancy trying to start a "You should stay in more" campaign?

A useful tool I've found for making myself more chatty and less nervous around people is a huge amount of alcohol. Unfortunately this has many undesirable side effects. (Please, please don't take this as an endorsement for binge drinking, especially if you're under the age limit).

When people tell me I don't get out enough, I tell them that they get out too much, or that they don't stay in enough.

[Allatwan]

Lol! I actually know some people that SHOULD stay in a bit more (ie: BIG party-goers that can't live without a huge amount of "friends" who are just aquatainces, and admirers... but since those ppl also happen to be my best friends, I have trouble telling them I can't stand their other friends when they ask "so, what do you think of so and so?" or "why didn't you come to the last three parties we had this week?" If I say "I've got a life besides parties" or "I've got to study", they'll be like "you should go out more, have fun! You're always alone studying!" )

[laughingpineappl...]

I'm sure people mean well, but sometimes I just don't like them.

I like them. I get along with most of the people I know, actually. But I do need my time to recharge, as the article said. As in, whole afternoons, possibly days. Reading, playing, writing, creating stuff... meeting people is interesting, but it's not relaxing.

Does anybody else fancy trying to start a "You should stay in more" campaign? tongue.gif

Where do I sign?

[Dark Sky]

With me it's always depended on who I was with and what we are doing.

When around people I'm comfortable with I can be loud and annoying (quiet, you!), and yet when put in a situation where I'm not comfortable (usually in pubs, clubs, very busy/noisy places) I start feeling claustrophobic and upset and can get all sulky and quiet. Heh.

To the original poster... Your friends have good intentions and think you'd enjoy spending time doing things with them that they like doing. Perhaps you could suggest alternative activities which you would be more interested in. Obviously they should respect you if you do want to be left on your own, but the last thing you should do is completely alienate your friends.

[Linda_st]

Ashtongue wrote :
Im last year studying Psychology, and Im doing my doctoral thesis on "Impersonation in online social interaction."



PS. Im NOT a psychology student. Nor am I doing anykind of doctoral thesis. Those of you who believed, are fools. Be proud, if you didnt believe me. I intentionally left some clues, for realizing that its not a text from doctoral thesis I also left clues to realizing that Im not studying psychology, in the text, and of course I left some unintentionally. Feedback is appreciated."

Decide what you really are, before posting that....

[Allatwan]

Sorry? I'm perplexed here...

[Talashar]

Sorry? I'm perplexed here...

It's spam.

[Zenoc2]

Sorry? I'm perplexed here...

It's spam.

I'm not sure... it almost looks like the beginning of a puzzle. But then, you brainier Myst fans probably already dissected it and determined it wasn't.

I have a tendency towards introversion myself, but I've found that it's not a fixed thing. I'm starting to enjoy having company more than I used to.

[ZangieF]

Notice the signature, it's a big giveaway. "individual health insurance", couldn't possibly be spam, absolutely not.

[Allatwan]

:blinks twice and starts crying: But I still don't get it!!!!!!!!!
Wait- is there nothing to get?
Unless you're gonna tell me there's no ending in which case I'll reply:
"Yes there is! Look, I just wrote it!"
But no- I wanna know what it is, since Zangief seems to have gotten it... PLZ explain to the mentally broken down (two hours of philosophy per day with a depressive teacher can do that, you know) who can't read between the lines anymore!

[Talashar]

It's a program that automatically posts messages with links, to try to get us to click on the link or to make the site at the other end more visible to search engines. This one seems to have picked up on some keywords in the thread so far and harvested text from elsewhere on the internet to make it seem like an actual contribution to the thread. (I found the original text by googling "ashtongue psychology").